Men that live inside women¹s bodies

Sometimes I want to leave this place and go away. I want to restart my life somewhere else. I want to be in a place where I will not get caught by frustration this often, where happiness and tranquility will replace the sadness that presses my heart. I want to be in a place where I will feel freedom and liberty in the air. There are people here that tell me Afghanistan is not where I should have been born in. They tell me to go far away from here because this country cannot tolerate a liberated woman. But I know freeing me from this country does not mean freeing my soul and heart from it. By leaving this country I will leave myself and letting a big part of struggle forever or die. I remind myself that this is a struggle zone. I remind myself that if I stay here and fight this war of being a woman and remaining a woman the generation after me will not have to go through what I am going through.

Today I am fighting for my femininity so that tomorrow my daughter will not have to live through discrimination and suppression. This country makes me have a love-hate relationship with it. It forces me feel weak and frustrated at times. But this is my home. It is my duty to fight. It is my generation¹s duty to struggle and pave the way for the next generation. I must remember that this country also gives me pride, it gives me challenges and achievements, it gives me victory at end.

I have gone a long way to find myself and appreciate myself as a woman in this male dominant society. I have managed to give a feminine definition for myself, in a society where everything is defined by men. The change I see in myself makes believe in change in others. But the change must happen in the minds of every Afghan woman.

Sometimes as I talk to Afghan women, I feel that I am talking to men inside women¹s bodies. This makes me angry. A woman who is ashamed of talking about her monthly period is not a woman. A woman¹s monthly period is the one of the most feminine experiences she goes through. But even that has a male dominant definition. A woman while having her monthly period finds herself dirty and ugly. She feels unaccepted and outcast. She is abandoned from talking about what she goes through. Women here must redefine this experience which they go through. They must be respected for going through this experience and understood they should not be ashamed of it.

I face and deal with men in women¹s bodies on daily basis. Men that think they are women and suppress womanhood. Here I confront ³women² who are ashamed of their bodies, ³women² that hate their bodies, ³women² that think their body makes them vulnerable, ³women² that burn up their own bodies in flames of fire and curse themselves for being born a woman. Even they themselves cannot appreciate their own femininity, because their sexuality is defined by men. There is nothing feminine in the way they are defined by men. These ³women² believe their bodies are to please men. These women believe in sexual relationships only men have the right to be satisfied.

These ³women² believe that their bodies are tools for men¹s pleasure and they are to be passive and tools. No one asks them if they enjoy sexual intercourse or not. No one asks them what position they like better. No one asks them what they want during sexual intercourse. In this sexual game the goal to be achieved is to please men. And afterwards the woman¹s task is to grow the product of that in her womb, give birth to it and raise it all unwillingly.

What makes these men in women¹s bodies trustworthy and respectable is their hymens. These ³women² have the ³sacred² duty of taking care of their hymen from childhood till the night they are raped by a man who has no respect for their own self but rather trusts them for their hymen. These ³women² believe by taking care of their hymen they are taking care of their pride, their self respect, their chastity and proving their faithfulness to their husbands. There is no one to ask why only women must prove their virginity?

What is chastity? What is pride? What is self respect? How do you prove a man¹s pride, self respect and faithfulness? Why do we bring up our daughters teaching them that their bodies are to be kept and protected because they belong to men? Women here must grow up thinking of their bodies as their own properties. How women treat their body relates to them only. Every woman must explore every part of her body because her body belongs to her and only her.

Every woman must love and her appreciate her own body. Thinking of our bodies as properties of men turns us in to material and is one of the most major manners through which we are suppressed. Freedom means liberation from the limitations we as women have accepted to live with. We must free our own bodies and reclaim them from men.

I must remain here and fight these male dominant views and thoughts that suppress women here. I must not allow these male dominant views define the identity of a woman and womanhood. This society is in need of women who liberate their minds, souls and bodies. This society is in need of women who alter this male dominant society to a society where everyone is respected and appreciated. I must remain here to re-establish the thoughts and languages that entitle a liberated woman a Fahesha (prostitute) or Ghar numai (a whore, a slut), or at least to attempt to create the male equivalent of these thoughts and words. I will stay here to at least confront people with this question: How do you measure a man¹s virginity?

Voice:  Zubaida Akbar

what is Hijab?

Hijab is the Arabic word for “Curtain, or Cover” it is taken from Hajb meaning to cover, to veil, to shelter. There are different concepts about wearing Hijab. Some wears  to delight their God, some to please their families and some to obey the law. but according to holy Quran, the reason Muslim women were asked to wear an outer garment when going out was to differentiate them from non-Muslims and recognize them as “believing” women in the society. The purpose of this verse was to protect women from streetwalkers for whom sexual harassment was/is an occupation. Holy Quran does not say that women should be veiled and kept at home away from mix society, conversely, it insisted in full participation of women in the society and religious practices. Unfortunately, the concept of Hijab in Quran has strongly been misinterpreted by powerful islamic groups.

They establish rules against women desires to remain home and avoid mix society. No legal rights and freedom have been recognized to them and if they go against their brothers or husbands, they should be punished. I believe, It is part of growing feeling in Muslim men that they no longer wish their wives and sisters to be independent and uncover, however the Muslim men meet and make relation with non-Muslim women who are not veiled and treat them respectfully, but not the same respectful treatment to Muslim women. Moreover, if they see Muslim women on street, regardless of any family connection, they feel responsible of their security and quickly acquire guardianship and if need be, they beat them like Taliban.

Women in Muslim countries like Afghanistan are compelling from very beginning. When a girl is born, different treatment is arranged to the girl. They are told to avoid men room, talking among elders, walking with out veil, joking with boys and even the mother is criticized of delivering a baby girl not a boy.whereas a different treatment is delivered to the boys of the same family. Girls are always shown and proven a weak human being and boys are strong. If a boy cries, the parent says, “are you a girl to cry?, or a boy never cries’. The boys get the sense of being a strong being, whereas if a girl cries they say “let her cry girls are weak and cry”. The girls get the sense of being soft, weak and men followers. Motivation, support and equality never delivers to the girls in the families, rather discrimination is growing inside till it spread out to the society that women find it hard to stand up and speak for their rights. Obligatory cases for wearing hijab are increasing. Most women are living against their desire in advance society like Australia. They are fully covered by black outer garments and tight veils; however their husbands or brothers walking by their sides are in European outfits. Question rises, why such discrimination in the same family from parents to their children? Why women should wear and behave against their wishes and oppositely not the same for men of the same family? Not only that, some other Muslim families believe by wearing Hijab, their personality will be protected and they will earn more respect in society. But does it mean  non-Muslim women do not have personality because they are not covered, or no one will respect them in the society? This is such an incorrect concept. Personality rises from a person’s knowledge, thoughts and the way (s)he grows up in the family and respect in the society again will be earned by your behavior and knowledge.  It has no connection with clothes, hijab and appearance. I think reconciliation of these incorrect concepts is necessary. Families should educate themselves and deliver equal treatments to their children. They need to understand that personality, Islam and region is not on appearance. It is in you and they way you behave and treat others.  people should increase their level of awareness and avoid religious practices like force marriages, hiding women in door and spending thousands to visit Macca asking for forgiveness. They should instead sponsor a poor family, provide shelter, food, clothes and medication for those who are suffering. I am one of the Afghan Muslim girls who do not cover, because I believe my region and my God is in my heart not in my appearance. If I want to please my God, I am going to please him by doing the right thing and helping people who are dying every day from hunger and medication luck.

So, let’s live practically and avoid religious exercises and make life easy. Avoid old concepts of keeping your wives and sisters indoor and forcing them to cover. Instead, ask them for help, make them work by your sides and speed your lives.  Aware yourselves about life around the world, respect other regions, wear what you find it comfortable, prevent human abuse and stop limiting your options in life.  Now here are some questions for you to answer,

• What do you think as a Muslim or Non-Muslim individual about Hijab?
• Does Hijab affect your personality?
• Is God going to be pleased if you cover, but not honest?
• Is God going to forgive you if you only visit Macca? 

Love to hear your voices!

Afghan Women Achivements in USA

War destroyed the country, but fortunately could not expunge Afghan women's talent and ambition. The talent is rising every day from different parts of the world and achieves a great honor for the country.

I was reading ACCC website and realized graduation of afghan women in such a tight place like Kandahar. I think we as an Afghan should thank ACCC for providing such an  incredible opportunity for women, and deliver huge credit and support for women in Kandahar to keep up doing what they are doing. They should admit that Afghans around the world are aware of their amazing work and are really proud.
Moreover; afghan women are not limited inside Afghanistan, they are spread around the world and working hard to achieve and honor women and the country.
To verify this fact, I was going through different universities' website and realized most of achievements had been handed in to Afghan women. It is not because universities are playing politics or trying to motive afghan women to stand up, but because afghans are talented, intelligent, energetic and have the obsession to learn and achieve. They want to prove to the world that Afghan women can do and have the ability to accomplish.

We have a couple of hardworking Afghan women like  Sonia Eqbal, Palwasha Mirbacha, Nadima Sahar and Adela Raz in Simmons College and Richmond University. They are doing an outstanding  job and received a number of different awards which not only me, but all of afghans around the world should be proud of. 

Afghanistan is in deep need of these young, talented, intelligent, energetic afghan women. They are working firmly towards their responsibilities and can't wait to return to serve that broken land.
Some of them are already in Afghanistan and some are studying their Masters. They know their mother land is waiting for them to return and hand in to what they were sent of. 

So, let's look at their great achievements   

Nadima Sahar
Read More-> Click Previous Newsletters 

Sonia Eqbal
Read More-> Click Previous Newsletters

Palwasha Mirchacha and Adela Raz
Read More-> Click Previous Newsletters

 

Afghan Women Achievements in Kandahar

The graduating class of SAIT students at the ACCC

Jess Dutton presents ACCC students with certificates signed by the Prime Minister of Canada

An ACCC student delivers a graduation speech

 Read More->